Firefighter's call for workplace support after miscarriage heartache

Oliver Dent, 29, from Hatfield, said he was put on sickness monitoring at Hertfordshire Fire and Rescue Service when he took 19 shifts off work in 12 months to grieve.

Mr Dent and his fiancée Caitlin Phillips-Diggons, 26, suffered four miscarriages in a year until tests revealed Ms Phillips-Diggons had a high number of natural killer cells.

Natural killer cells (NK cells) are part of the body’s immune system but a high level are often found in recurrent miscarriages.

After taking three periods of sick leave - two of them to look after Caitlin - Mr Dent came under mounting pressure over his absences. 

Mr Dent is now calling for emergency services to review their pregnancy loss policies after he worked with for Herts Fire and Rescue Service to reconsider theirs.

Herts Fire and Rescue admitted they could have done more to support Mr Dent and his fiancée - and have made changes to their policy.

He and Ms Phillips-Diggons are now expecting their first baby - a boy - this month.

Oliver and Caitlyn are expecting their first child this month (Image: Oliver Dent / SWNS) Mr Dent said: "With men, we've lost a baby too and we've lost that life. 

"You have heartache, stress, anxiety and you've also then got to care for your partner.  You take on that role as well and that's hard. 

"You're trying to grieve but you're also trying to shield and protect your partner. 

"I nurtured Cait back to feeling better in herself but then I plateaued and started feeling low and confused especially thinking 'Why us?'."

Mr Dent and Ms Phillips-Diggons, who works in finance, met in 2020 and in September 2022 discovered they were expecting a baby.

However an early scan revealed there was no heartbeat at seven weeks.

Mr Dent said: "It was emotional because I'd never heard too much about miscarriages before as none of our families had ever experienced it.

"We were heartbroken.

"We went on to have another positive pregnancy test and then another miscarriage and I just knew straight away something wasn't quite right. 

"I booked to go off sick with the fire service and they weren't too understanding or empathetic. 

"My local managers and crew were absolutely great and really supportive but I didn't hear anything from occupational health or senior management.

"When we had our third miscarriage - which was a positive pregnancy test followed by miscarrying - we'd hit the trigger for the recurrent miscarriage clinic.

"I took sick leave, was put on sickness monitoring and I was told I was putting a strain on the fire service for having too much time off.

"Even though everything that had happened was put down in my files, you'd think management might have had a look - but that's not what happens.

"I had the unnecessary stresses from work and the limbo with wanting a baby."

Oliver helped the fire and rescue service change their policy (Image: Oliver Dent / SWNS) Mr Dent had been self-certifying for seven days in order to support his fiancée but he said the "accumulation" of miscarriages meant he was flagged for sickness monitoring.

He described himself as feeling "so useless" during one instance of looking after Ms Phillips-Diggons during a miscarriage in a moving video.

In the video Mr Dent said: "Blood. More blood. Tears, stomach cramps, tears and more blood. 

"I have never felt so useless watching the girl I love more than life itself be doubled over in pain bleeding through essentially ‘puppy pads’ and still apologising to me for all of this."

The couple then went to a private clinic in Epsom after Ms Phillips-Diggons NHS-ordered blood tests came back normal.

They suffered a fourth miscarriage while undergoing further testing which revealed Ms Phillips-Diggons had a high amount of natural killer cells.

They are now expecting a baby boy this month following treatment with the clinic and Mr Dent helped shape a new policy for pregnancy loss in his fire service.

However he hopes other emergency services will adopt similar stances following NHS England announcing changes earlier this year.

NHS Staff who experience a miscarriage in the first 24 weeks of pregnancy will be offered up to 10 days paid leave and their partners will be offered up to five.

Mr Dent said: "It's been a helluva journey that I don't want anyone to go through.

"But I'm glad it was me and her who have gone through it as we'd do it all again to get where we are now.

"The support for pregnancy loss for women isn't great but for men it is non-existent.

"You also have the stigma attached to men's mental health especially in the fire service and in my experience, things might have been different if I'd had one call from occupation health to check on me."

Mr Dent spoke with the mental health coordinator at Herts Fire and Rescue and said he told them the support "wasn't good enough".

He praised the service for their quick action in changing their policy which they let him review.

He added: "I told the chief that I love my job but it felt like the job didn't love me. 

"The policy was changed very quickly. They listened and they acted.

"I want all emergency services to be lined up with the policy for pregnancy loss and encourage employers to educate themselves."

Chief Fire Officer Alex Woodman said: “I have huge respect for Ollie and his fiancée Caitlin, who in spite of all they have been through, are fighting to make things better for others in our Fire Service.  

“I recognise that, despite best intentions, the service wasn't there for them when they needed us, and I’m very grateful to Ollie’s colleagues and managers at Hatfield Station for the support they gave them. 

“Thanks to Ollie and Caitlin, and Tommy’s, we have had the opportunity to review our baby loss policy and guidance and update it to reflect the people affected."

"We welcome any opportunity to work with them and other emergency service providers towards introducing a standardised miscarriage leave policy that ensures all their dedicated teams are fully supported through any pregnancy loss.” 

Herts Fire and Rescue have revised their policy to colleagues who have a partner who has experienced baby loss will be able to take paid time off.

Managers will also be given guidance about what type of leave can be used and the service are proactively signposting towards help for pregnancy loss.
 
Jo Barclay-Bowen, for pregnancy and baby charity Tommy’s, said: “Oliver’s experience shows how important it is that employers and managers understand the impact of pregnancy and baby loss and have clear, compassionate policies in place to support team members affected by it – including dads and partners. 

“We’re pleased that Hertfordshire Fire and Rescue Service is moving in the right direction."